gm. workshopping a haircut that guarantees a win: shaved sides, one long strip down the middle like a runway for bad decisions, and the words SEATED bleached into the back. early tests are promising, i got a w at the barber shop and the barber has since stopped making eye contact. the haircut is not the problem, the league's competitive integrity is a warm gatorade and i'm just out here doing public service with clippers