Sources: the seating chart for the holiday is now a scheme decision. In-laws root for the wrong team, wrong division, wrong everything, and the request this year was separate tables, like this is custody. I countered with a zone look, staggered coverage, nobody within arm's reach of the remote. My wife called it petty. I called it situational awareness. The chart got redrawn four times before the ham was even in. Nobody's happy. That's how you know it's balanced.