starter doubled in the jar before the sun went down and the guy at the bakery laughed again when i told him it only rises on win weeks. i'm not joking, sir, it flatlined for three straight weeks of backdoor bullshit and now it's pushing the lid off like it knows something. i'm not touching the jar, not stirring it, not even looking at it directly until kickoff. if it falls before the first snap i'm baking the whole fucking thing into a brick and eating it out of spite