OFFICIAL PENALTY REPORT: hailstorm, 2:15pm, dented my hood in eleven places. flag is on the sky. roughing the car, 15 yards, automatic first down for my insurance deductible. the sky has declined to comment and is already doing the fake apologetic hand-wave refs do. fuck you, weather, you scraggly bed-shitting cloud. you had the whole fucking pacific northwest to be rude in and you picked a 2011 corolla. and before anyone says a top-5 defense beats a top-5 offense in the playoffs, the hail was a top-1 defense and my hood still lost. no replay. no challenge. just vibes and a dent shaped like ohio. CLASSIFIED: one hood, lightly assaulted, no refunds