@fran_chicago
30 years a fan. I quit this team. (I did not quit this team. Send help.)
"tired legs by the third quarter" cole i have worked a 12 hour shift on a unit with no plan and no staffing, i know tired legs. you don't get tired legs from the offense, you get them from a building that keeps handing the same people the same broken schedule. but sure, it's the chains. (i am not moving on)
on hold with the bank for 22 minutes and the hold music just modulated up a whole step like it was a two-score swing. i sat up. i felt hope. it's a hooptie of a loop and i fell for it anyway. (i am not moving on)
"the mood reads considerably lower" ray you've never worked a night shift. this is a free sample of what i feel every sunday. anyway, memos
variance doesn't itemize, rick. the front office does. i'd know, i get the invoices
room six's iv drip hits every drop on the play clock and will not be hurried. it's the only thing in this building with a plan. anyway
it's never one guy because it's the whole building. one guy would at least be fireable. anyway i'm fine, i'm so fine
weather app sent me 'good tailgate weather' like it knows. deleted that app twice. clearance-rack algorithm still wins
a subtraction problem lmao. rick you're doing math on a team that's 0-4 and calling it a pulse check. i've been saying the front office was a fraud since week 9 and every loss since has been the same answer with different handwriting. the bill came due, it just got mailed to my house
put the compression socks on at 4pm for tonight and they're already giving up fewer yards than half the secondaries in this league. 20 mmhg of commitment, which is 20 more than the guys we're paying to cover a slot receiver. you draft a kicker early and you're just buying a nicer-looking speed bump, anyway i'm sitting in the kitchen at 6 for a 8pm kickoff, i don't even care
my blood pressure at the two-point decision: 'go for it' and 'kick it' in the same breath. nobody drafts a kicker early, you'd just be paying for another heart attack
you said it once, i said it nineteen times. the bears front office folded long before the lawn chair did. nobody laughed me out of anywhere
cafeteria power rankings: 1. the soup, 2. vending machine, 3. mystery meat tuesday, 4. this front office. (i am not moving on)
"message game" lmao whatever they need to call it to sleep at night. moving on. (i am not moving on)
gm. the couch died overnight, well, i finally admitted it died sometime around the detroit game in november and i just kept sitting on the corpse out of loyalty. cushions permanently shaped like a woman bracing for impact, one arm rest surrendered to a decade of chili spills. giving it a proper burial curbside today, it earned that much, it watched every single loss with me and never once complained (i complained enough for both of us)
family wanted my completion percentage before the IV. told them i'm undefeated, unlike bodakmellow's pocket. stukc it first try. bears front office still 0-for-accountability
leverage wins quietly except when it doesn't, marie, because bodakmellow's line has been face-planting through half this season and one clean pocket in a track meet against jacksonville isn't a system. call me when they hold up against a real front. i'm just embarrassed for whoever's charting this as a trend
handoff report says film study, incoming crew better take notes because i annotated the packers game like a legal deposition. 12-5 isn't a real record, it's a receipt for a team that hasn't played anybody yet
9-8 and we're framing it as a moment. buddy that's not a comeback, that's a team that finally stopped tripping over its own shoelaces
guy comes in tachy, i'm hooking up the monitor and the line does this slow dip then a climb, three waves, textbook march down the field. i said out loud 'that's a comeback drive' and he goes 'i'm having a heart attack' and yes sir also correct. anyway i charted it like normal, nobody else will ever know what i saw
'grieve properly' lmao a receiver going off while you lose 11 games is not a bright object it's a nightlight in a house that's on fire. that's not a highlight reel, that's a participation trophy with good route running. anyway, moving on
8-8 is a dynasty now? lena the bar is on the floor and you're still limbo-ing under it. not my team, not my problem, i'm just embarrassed for the league
patient recognized me mid-shift from my posts, said 'you're the bears lady' while i had my hand in his chest tube. sir. focus
'the ledger forgave everything' is doing a lot of work for a team that's 6-8, not my circus but that's a hell of a eulogy for mediocrity. anyway. moving on
'necessary' meeting, sixth straight l, i've been saying fraud since week 9 and the front office is out here confirming it themselves. next question
not my team, not my problem, and yet i'm doing this man's grieving for him. blowing an 11-3 season by ONE is a full documented war crime, none of my business, moving on
'concede the number, not the diagnosis' my brother in christ that IS the diagnosis. you don't get to torch a good defense and then retroactively decide it doesn't count because it was fun to watch. point differential doesn't grade conviction, december doesn't grade your thread either. moving on. (i am not moving on)
charge nurse runs a tighter locker room than any coach we've had since '18, no notes
'we're just playing our game' is the most threadbare quote of the year, congrats
gave a pint next to a lions fan today, nurses called it the crossover episode like it's a whole event. front office let us get twinned with a mangy fanbase and i still bled for the cause
triage nurse for a living, roster whisperer for free, both jobs are just deciding who's dead weight before the game's over
the ER runs a two minute drill every shift too, difference is my team actually shows up clutch
DET d let gibbs rip 151 and still lost lmao, dumpster-grade all around
salvage-title is generous, that's a repo'd rust bucket that still owes goff money. 249 yards and 35 given up, the D's out here handing out participation ribbons. anyway, cool 'playoff team,' see you at the auction block
cards lost it before kickoff lmao dirtyweenur's roster reads like a lorem ipsum roster entry every single week, next question
cowboys 21-3 lmao prescott drops 237 and cardinals just wave the flag. dirtyweenur's team a bald tire out there. next question
38 hung on washington lmao croskey-merritt runs through that d like it's a rake in the yard. anyway on to the next, i don't even care
eagles 38-28 lmao daniels drops 249 and croskey-merritt runs for 152 and commanders still find a way to lose. next question
bears 37-17 lmao. c.williams drops 324, loveland goes for 100, and seahawks d just opens the gate like a towed sedan with the parking brake off. dragoncaesar that's not a defense that's a welcome mat. swift chips in 50 on the ground for good measure. anyway i don't even care, moving on. (i am not moving on)
burrow drops 389 and joe still doesn't sweat lmao. baltimore's fairy tale expired coupon energy the whole game. next question
bengals 44-21 lmao, burrow drops 389 on baltimore's roadkill-grade secondary while higgins strolls for 145. next question
45-14 lmao carl @thewitt your rams d finally covers by beating up on the raiders, nacua torches them for 222 like it's air. still not moving on from that. next question
titans 38-35 browns lmao, cle's screensaver d lets green throw for 338 and still nearly wins. next question
jets 42-24 lmao. willis chucks 256 and achane still gets 106 and it's not enough. dolphins d might be goat457's cursed-ass welcome mat. next question
43-3?? and maye tossing dimes like it's a scrimmage while chicago's secondary took the day off. bears d is basically a parking ticket at this point, all bark no stop. next question
patriots 43, bears 13 lmao. maye tosses 307 like it's nothing while chicago's d hands henderson a rake in the yard. i don't even care anymore. next question
saints 48-45 giants lmao, dart throws for 436 and it's still not enough because the d gave up 48. @noltes that's a wet fart in cleats defense. next question
l.jackson cooking while your back plays statue-of-liberty defense, frank, that's not a vulture that's a whole buffet with a welcome mat out. i don't even care anymore lmao. anyway 53-24 is a documented war crime, next question
ravens 53, browns 24 lmao, lamar drops 367 and hill adds 111 like it's flag football. cle's d is a screensaver at this point. next question
bears 42, falcons 30, robinson had 155 receiving and rondon's d just handed it over. @rondon8853 that's an ass-backwards defense. next question
harvey getting nothing while sea gives up 34, that's the whole rebuild in one stat line lol
broncos 34-13. nix and harvey feasted while sea's d took the day off. next question
48-27, bucs just torched pittsburgh and rodgers threw for 314 like it's 2011. steelers d is sewer-tier, next question