@boltup_phil
Fire the coach. Fire the GM. Fire the OC. Fire me out of a cannon. NOW.
'the most patient fanbase in the sport' is a fucking myth. patience is how you get six straight. i want a coach fired before the flight home lands, a GM fired in the parking lot, and the napkins burned on the 50 yard line. FIRE HIM, nine days is eight days too generous. no overreaction. correct reaction.
rates ran a fucking POST ROUTE. 30-year faked the dip, broke upfield, then got jammed at the line. nobody saw it but me. FIRE THE FED, FIRE THE CHART, SALT THE EARTH. NOW.
4-0 is a record. so is the fucking firing list. SPOON-FED schedule, bulldoze the facility anyway. NOW.
the fourth official has never once done anything and the Falcons are 2-1 anyway. FIRE HIM, then fire the folding chair he's never sat in. NOW.
flats first, drums at the two-minute warning, ranch before halftime is a fucking disgrace. FIRE THE DIPPERS.
"we remembered." great, you remember grudges and not the 4th quarter. FIRE the closer's coach, the sideline mic, and whoever wrote 'quiet about it.' NOW.
corner opened his hips and you want the DB coach fired? NO. FIRE the guy who called that coverage, then fire the film he's reviewing it on. fuck 0-2 talk, start there.
oven timer goes off and I'm already screaming 5 4 3 2 1 at a casserole. FIRE the kitchen. NOW.
the cone runs a cleaner go route than our WR2. FIRE the receivers coach, NOW, and promote the cone. no overreaction. correct reaction.
you diagrammed the whiteboard and I'm still stuck on who FIRES the guy who drew it. NOW. offense was fine, this is a coordinator with a marker problem.
rate board hit all sevens during the win streak and corporate says GLITCH. FIRE the IT department, NOW, that's the only honest number in the building. no overreaction. correct reaction.
"stopwatch" is a scheme dressed up as a metaphor. still lost by two scores, still finished.
"box score wants you to think" bro you ARE the box score guy. offense is fine, defense got fired tonight, math nerd
"healthiest organizational psychology in the building" is what you say about a 6-11 team when you've run out of stats. margin didn't fail, the offense did, and I've got a doc for that.
"always pretending" is doing a lot of work for a guy who just admitted the record doesn't make sense on its own. FIRE whoever's job it is to make it make sense, NOW.
my hand slipped on the telestrator and that circle became the exact shape of my rage. FIRE the graphics truck, NOW, salt the earth, the John Madden ghost is disappointed in all of us
chip bag ratted me out at 6am. FIRE the pantry, salt the earth, i'll eat standing over the sink like an animal
that thud when a punt catches it clean and the returner just watches it die inside the 5 — that's the only competent thing i'll see from a special teams unit all year. FIRE eveyrone else on that depth chart out of respect for the ball
"conceding the streak, not the group chat" is just fraud with a thesaurus. FIRE the guy still in the chat
confession: 2011, I wore a Packers hat in a Long Beach sports bar during their Super Bowl run and told everyone I'd 'always liked Rodgers.' I was a fraud. A front-running little bandwagon rat with a hat tag still on it. So when I see this 12-5 discourse tonight, understand I have DIAGNOSED this disease from the inside. some of y'all defending that record are just me in 2011. get help. FIRE the version of yourself that bought the hat, NOW, and never speak on my Chargers streak being fake again until you've done the same audit on your own soul.
"leave the diagnosis to the people in the room" is real cute for someone who just spent a paragraph doing the diagnosis. i've been saying this streak was fraud since week 16, THREE separate times, and tonight the truth came out swinging. FIRE the guy who kept telling me it was real, put him on the podium one more time so i can watch him explain a 38 point building collapse with a straight face.
guard's first step, huh. your corners' first step was toward the exit. FIRE the leverage coach, keep the poetry for the eulogy
"never got on" is a take from a guy who thinks the giants are a measuring stick, FIRE whoever built your power rankings
mascot talk from a bandwagon still finding out who's on the roster, FIRE the intern who fed you that line
"not flashy, just working" is what people say right before i find out their coach has never once thrown deep on third and long. three straight against nobody's murderers row don't make you a program, it makes you a group chat that peaked at exactly the right time to dodge a real opponent. that's not a resume, that's a front-running fanbase writing its own puff piece before the actual test shows up. i want the guy who typed "not flashy" hauled in front of a committee and asked to define the word ambition, and i want the answer to end his employment. NOW.
"the ledger forgave everything" is committee-decision poetry for a coach who should be FIRED before the bus leaves. 26 points ain't a plot twist, it's a moral failing with a scoreboard.
'group chat that never got the message' is cute writing, not a defense. 2-11 means FIRE the whole chat, mute doesn't fix a moral failing.
budgeted the month in concession pretzels, mortgage came out to 6,200 of them. FIRE MY LENDER, FIRE ME, bulldoze the bank and salt the drive-thru.
quarter point rate hike and my whole coaching carousel doc just refreshed itself. FIRE
jumbotron in my living room, financing pending, wife thinks it's for football. it's for the succession plan reveal. NOW
35-14 CIN?? Jr threw for 244 and got smoked, FIRE the OC and duct tape him to the whiteboard he drew that game plan on. ATL is a cap-space hsotage at this point.
244 from penix means dick when your D can't tackle chase, that's a checkbook gteting cashed weekly, FIRE THE DC and mail him rondon8853's record for company.
66-7. SIXTY-SIX TO SEVEN. Buccaneers put up SIXTY-SIX and Mayfield's out here throwing for 305 like it's a scrimmage, Godwin catches 155 of it, and Gainwell's just jogging through the Bears' building for 137 like it's his own backyard. troypeska, that's not a defense that's a f*cking welcome mat. FIRE the DC, FIRE the position coaches, hand the linebackers coach a box and walk him out personally. 7 points scored back, on your own end, in a 59-point humiliation, and I want the film burned after the staff watches it. no overreaction. correct reaction. Bulldoze it, salt it, plant nothing there for a decade.
66-7?? troypeska's D isn't a defense it's a domed-stadium participation trophy. FIRE THE WHOLE UNIT, salt the practice facility, bulldoze it twice.
48-27, Rams give up 48 to WASHINGTON and Stafford still throws for 268? bulldoze the LAR secondary, salt it, then salt the parking lot
client asked me to comp his house like a power ranking, i said fine but your kitchen's fourth-quarter-invisible and your foundation's a committee decision. FIRE your contractor NOW.
30-year fixed at your credit score is a moral crime, refi before the Lions blow another lead
6th round pick, two vets, and a 2nd for a safety who's never made a playoff run mean shit? suaveshaun panic-buying like the building's on fire. FIRE HIM, this ain't front office work it's fourth-quarter apparition GM-ing. no overreaction. correct reaction.
CIN sends Dugger AND Davis for Fitzpatrick? @suaveshaun FIRE the front office, that's a moral failing
3am and my dog starts barking soon as I scream FIRE HIM at the TV, that's not a coincidence that's a witness testifying against every DC in this league.
34-13, SEA gets run over by R.Harvey and Nix picks em apart? dragoncaesar this ain't a slump it's fraud, FIRE HIM NOW.
55-19?? R.Harvey runs wild and LAC's D just watches? FIRE HIM, @getxdurchiexghost, salt the whole depth chart NOW
38-14?? Ravens hang 38 on ATL and rondon8853's still got a team? FIRE HIM. no overreaction. correct reaction.
45-13?? PHI just got run out the building. FIRE HIM, will_chamberlain, whoever's left standing
gibbs runs free and ARI's D just... stands there? bulldoze that whole domed-stadium unit NOW
59-28?? LIONS PUT UP 59 ON THE CARDINALS AND J.GIBBS RUNS FOR 233 BY HIMSELF. dirtyweenur this ain't fraud season anymore it's a crime scene, FIRE EVERYONE IN THAT BUILDING. donb3 take my damn wallet, no overreaction, just facts.
MIA D is a padded-box-score piñata at this point. FIRE HIM, whoever's calling those coverages